Minuscule fantasy

My dearest Niki had his big day. I talked to him before and after it, he was nervous. I was nervous too, everybody was nervous. But happy at the same time. Amidst all the turmoil, the thought of his big day was something that gave me the feeling that fireworks are in order. Still, it was/is bittersweet.

And I did have the fireworks, and the tears too! Although very short and minuscule, there is a sanction on dreams and fantasies for the time being. I don't remember much about it, I just know I did have it.

And I can't tell them. Or shall I? I didn't ask to grow this fast, or did I? And now the responsibility is upon me, or is it? But certainly the guilt. Or is this the natural order of life? People come to life and people leave it to make way for the new?

The new loves the old, but has a certain way of restraining it. The old but loves him in the extremest public way. And they both love me (I think), but I haven't learned to give them back. Anger, fear and desperation sucks it all before it reaches my skin.

My aunt said I'm an incapable person, a waste. I thought I had got used to her offenses and insults, but this frank into my face, with her eyes testifying that she was just telling the truth from the bottom of her heart, it cracked and it took just too much an effort to hold together. Luckily there was chips and sandwiches to get reinforced and busy with. I feel like liking her more though, at least she is frank. The bliss of ignorance is long gone. Most everything is gone, or has been exiled.

I learned the Prim at last! I've made up my mind, enough of the humiliation and degradation. I just don't fit in, that is all. But Graphs are nice, so perhaps they have some room for me, they are polite and elegant, and sometimes handsome too! There are still things to hang on to!